A Flat Circle

Entry #512 March 25th 2335

I’ve done it. Years and years of after hours work and every spare penny I have has come to this historic day. Practical time travel. I’ve backed up my notes to several secure drives for posterity. This is a momentous day. Scientists for years will look back on this moment as the start to a new era. Any era.

But enough posturing. My first test was a rousing success, though it did blow up the power station for my neighborhood for several hours. I was able to track back several seconds and be the first person to witness the same sun set twice. The same bird singing for its yet unknown mate, the same argument arising from the window below, even the same glint off the roof across the way. Fantastic.

What was the old saying? A small step for mankind? For now best to keep this small step to myself. A trip of three minutes drew enough power to draw the suspicion of 10 square blocks. I’ll probably have to spend the rest of the night coming up with explanations if the police catch on. Smaller steps, smaller tests. For now.

Entry #754 September 9th, 2339

I’ve taken 4 trips over the last few years. Progress thus far has been slow. Frustratingly so. My local power grid can only handle so much, though given the magnitude of this breakthrough it’s become more my problem than the city’s. Without more power, or better use, my ability to go back will be severely limited. Given my reputation in the scientific community, I’ll need more verifiable evidence that doesn’t send the city into a power crisis before they’ll accept my data. Fortunately, I’ve been able to tie my notes to the machine itself so my trips won’t erase my progress.

I’ll confess that imagining all the skeptics through the years eating crow plays no small part in keeping me going. But the dangers of this technology aren’t lost on me. Before I can go public, it must be more than what it is. It must be ready. I doubt that predicting information 10 seconds before it happens will be enough. I need more than a parlor trick. I need to change cause and effect.

But my needs weighed against the unknown effects to the time stream? It’s a closer contest than I’d like to admit.

Entry #993 May 5th 2347

I’ve lost count of how many tests I’ve performed over these dozen odd years. I don’t know if it’s an effect of the trips I’ve taken or just how complex the research process has become, but my mind has grown…chaotic. But my tests can only be described as successful. I’ve taken at least dozens of trips back lasting 10 seconds or less. Trips I’ve come to call “micro trips” given their less than 24hr nature. Thus far I haven’t the confidence to change cause and effect but I’ve re-lived nearly a day’s worth of experiences.

I was able to increase the efficiency such that each micro trip only causes a momentary blackout and only along my own block. Luckily through multiple iterations I’ve been able to shrink the footprint of the device to about a quarter of the room. I hope to take these experiments outside soon enough. I’m interested to see how it performs in a much more complex environment.

What’s curious is that I’ve yet to meet my past counterpart. My “pre-self” as I’ve come to refer to him as. I’ve conducted experiments where I start and end at different sides of the apartment. I leave my pre-self sitting at a table with a facedown card randomly pulled out of a new deck. I let 5 seconds pass before looking at the card, running to the other side of the room, and activating the device. Shortly after I find myself, my “post-self”, sitting at that table, in front of a card my post-self knew everything about. Nothing perturbed indicating post-knowledge other than what’s in my own mind.

It’s strange really. One of the biggest tropes in modern fiction seemingly irrelevant. Then again, it could be an artifact of the micro trip itself. Or the lack of complexity of my surroundings. One thing is certain, without further improvements on power consumption and portability, the data I gather will remain limited.

Entry #1125 February 15th, 2349

I’ve been able to make a rough single use battery, at great personal expense. But for testing purposes it rockets my efficiency to another level, much like the transistor did hundreds of years ago. It’s still many stages away from being ready to bring to a conference, given the unknowns, but the battery will change all that. Instead of each single trip costing the equivalent of a month’s electricity, I’m able to trickle charge batteries over time, much to the benefit of my neighbors. Once I shrink down the device to handheld, I’ll be ready to take micro trips outside the building. First during the morning commute to maximize predictability.

One thing I’m keen to trend is how the device itself acts outside the confines of my home. Thus far, it’s acted unpredictably. Most times, it waits as planned where I would expect it. Others, it has appeared between two points with apparent drag marks from its original position. I can’t rule out some type of memory loss though it’s become harder to piece together the more trips I take. The sunrises, the cards, each experiment has begun to blend together. I expect these factors to be less cogent as I perform more tests outside where I can form more distinct memories.

I can only hope more answers arise than questions. Without an injection of interest and funding, I’m not sure how many more experiments I can conduct.

Entry #1254-Summation October 21st, 2352

I’ve performed dozens of tests through the last 3 years but am making this entry to assess my progress. It’s become impossible to properly log the data and keep my mind straight on the facts so I’ve decided to make keystone entries in my journal to refer back to. I have been able to set some answers straight but others remain frustratingly elusive. For my own sake, I’ll keep my findings in a readable format.

Time travel indoors and outdoors are comparable.

I’ve conducted conservatively 30 micro trips outside. Initially I performed these during the morning commute for predictability but have gradually expanded to all times of the day once consistency was established. I’ve written my observations down both pre and post self and they match nearly one to one, as attached in Appendix 5c.

The machine’s behavior remains erratic

I’ve succeeded in miniaturizing my machine to the size of a large laptop. Throughout my micro trips, the device has acted nearly of its own accord. At times it seems magnetized to both my pre and post self. Others I find it back at my apartment unperturbed. Shockingly I’ve even found it in public spaces a short distance from the path of my micro trips. I hope that if it can be tethered to my person, it will bring further clarity.

Micro trips provide insufficient data

I had hoped that by adding the unpredictable behaviors of people on the street I could parse out more about how my pre and post self process differences in information. However, even with extensive note taking I find it difficult to track what my pre and post self truly know. Whether that’s because micro trips are inherently flawed due to their repetitive nature or because a human mind can only recall so many minute details remains to be seen. I feel the key will be longer trips or, should I feel ready, an influence in cause and effect.

My true pre-self remains elusive

I have yet to meet a full embodiment of my pre-self. I’ve continued to gather evidence that the pre-self exists, or rather at a bare minimum the process creates a reality in which to compare pre and post knowledge that couldn’t exist without time travel. As above, I wonder if this is simply a result of micro trips not creating enough effective temporal space to see a start and end outside of just the mental space.

It’s clear that next steps must focus on further miniaturization and increasing energy efficiency. At my current consumption, each energy pack is a 1-way micro trip backwards and takes about 1 month to fully charge. I’ve been able to create multiple batteries but if I am to continue outdoor testing I must make the process consume less and less energy. Iterations will continue, but out of necessity, it’s reasonable to consider longer trips indoors for now by rigging multiple packs in series. I will admit that I feel cautiously optimistic despite my best efforts to remain objective. Only time will tell.

Entry #1276 October 19th, 2352

This entry marks my first day trip. I’ve adopted the term to mark any time travel longer than a micro trip but shorter than 100 days. Given the complications to dating journal entries, I’ve decided to record entries on the date I’m writing them but leave them in my post-self chronological order.

It is a momentous day. I’ve traveled a week back and there are a few notable observations.

First, there seems to be no evidence of a fully embodied pre-self. As I type, I sit directly on a large X my pre-self marked in preparation for this trip. I haven’t moved from this position for hours, much like my pre-self, and have seen no signs of anything other than myself, my post-self, in this apartment. To be certain, I made sure my pre-self did not leave the premises for the week leading up to my first day trip. No indications of disturbance. I believe the answer lies in how the process itself works, which should become more obvious as the week goes on.

Second, given the length of this trip it will be inevitable that I change cause and effect. It would be unrealistic for my post-self to fully retrace the steps of my pre-self. While I can’t properly control all the variables, I have a few minor changes in behavior I plan to test as the week progresses.

Third, the machine appears to have been stationary through my first day trip. It remains where my pre-self placed it without any indications of having been moved.

Finally, my memories of these trips have gotten noticeably hard to track. I’ve had to add dozens of addendums to compare but my personal recollection has grown foggy. Details have blended together between my pre and post self and I have come to dedicate more and more time each day to ground myself through meditation. Over the last few hours I’ve looked at my hands and wondered, through whose agency do these hands move about time and space?

Entry #1379-Summation October 24th, 2352

5 days into my first day trip and I’ve taken more notes than the last 50 micro trips combined. Suffice to say, my theory about micro trips being insufficient has been shown beyond a shadow of the doubt.

The machine appears completely stable. It’s remained fixed in one position much like it did during my pre-self’s preparation. No scratches on the floor, no signs of movement. I’d say it’s the one piece of reassuring news thus far.

Most pressing is that my memory moves beyond simple discrepancy. At first it was small things here and there. I would drink my morning coffee one day and notice the clock read slightly later than my pre-self notes indicated. However, the other day I experienced what I can only call a premonition. I found myself standing in my kitchen, eating a prepared meal. As I brought the fork to my mouth, I saw a shadow of my own limb moving in parallel in the corner of my vision. This continued on for several minutes until I was compelled to check my notes.

My pre-self had eaten a different meal at that time and day.

Needless to say my post-self moved completely out of step that day and for the rest of that time I continued to see mirrored phantoms of my own body. I struggled until I was able to perform my daily meditation and realign my pre and post selves. I question if I truly understand the process as well as I thought I did.

Since then I’ve done my best to keep my pre and post self activities within a tight margin of error. I haven’t the nerve to meddle with cause and effect in any significant way, but I imagine it’s unavoidable.

Entry #1498-Summation October 22nd 2352

Conservatively, I’ve lived this same week over a dozen times. While it’s been a welcome reprieve from the same micro trips the repetition has begun to wear on me. I’ve decided to introduce small elements of variance through the course of the same week out of an abundance of caution. I will attempt to summarize the last binder of notes as below:

First, the hallucinations continue and become more abundant. Through the initial few day trips it was most obvious when I deviated from the pre-self. Then, as the ‘weeks’ went on it became near constant. Whether it was eating a meal, taking notes, or even as mundane as glancing out the window I would see shadows upon shadows of inconsistency. Not just my limbs, but the position of my watch, how the words appear on the screen, even a bird I perturbed earlier than usual would have its own ghost trailing behind.

Second, the machine has begun to behave erratically once more. At times it would seem inert and others…I struggle to find the words to describe its translocation. For now it’s best not to dwell and assign motivations to an inanimate object.

I feel the only logical explanation is that my understanding of my own creation is highly limited. For my own sake, I plan to move to a different period for the next day trip cycle.

Entry #1505- February 15th 2353

My first few trips through this week have been refreshing. I’ve grown accustomed to the small differences that come with day trips and the inevitable variance it brings. Best of all, I’ve seen very little in the way of hallucinations or unpredictability as the machine takes me back to my pre-destination.

Whether that’s because I’ve chosen a different week unmarred by pre and post differences or I’ve finally given myself some much needed time off trips remains to be seen. With a revived outlook I’ve been able to add some quality of life adjustments to the machine. I’ve added a trip tracking feature, so far a simple counter not unlike runner’s use to count their laps, in addition to further adjusting its size such that I’ll be able to attach it to my person soon enough. I look forward to more trips through this week.

Entry #1615-Summation February 13th, 2353

My experiments have not gone to plan. My initial hopefulness has become nearly impossible to maintain as the same week has worn on. I’ll try not to dilute my objectivity with personal feelings and keep it succinct.

The hallucinations have become almost constant. Perhaps I’d grown overconfident in changing cause and effect but I can hardly go 10 minutes without seeing some shadow out of the corner of my eye.

The machine’s…movements? They’ve restarted to an extreme. Appearing at odd ends of the apartment and not always in logical places. The freezer, under the table, even tucked into my pillowcases.

I will admit that even with the multiple day trips I’ve taken, the data remains hard to parse. For now, I’ll focus on making the machine small enough to tether to my wrist and give my mind the temporal distance it needs to restart a new day trip cycle.

Entry #1723 November 27th, 2355

The last 2 years’ hiatus have been a much needed mental break. I’ve been able to miniaturize my machine to the size of two large watches. It’s been attached securely to my wrist with a secret code for the last several weeks. I have not logged any aberrant movement so far.

The trip tracker has not changed since I last used the machine. All seems to be in working order. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.

Entry #1728 November 26th, 2355

I’ve hardly had 2 trips back without my days and nights being disturbed by hallucination after hallucination. It’s become clear that my understanding of the very process I’ve created is tenuous at best. I’m not even sure ‘hallucinations’ is the most accurate description. With only 2 trips under my belt it’s become clear. They’re an overlay of my pre-selves.

At this point, every move I make is followed in close lockstep by each of my pre-selves until I reach my initial point of travel. Rather than any sign of a fully embodied pre-self, I see mental projections of their actions as clear as day. I believe only one explanation adequately encompasses the facts.

My machine does not send me back in time. Rather, it sends my consciousness back in time to occupy my pre-self body.

In truth, I’ve considered this ever since my first day trip. I was hesitant to believe it and admit my own ignorance. However, if I fail to acknowledge this truth, then how can I expect others to accept it as well?

Though it has become harder to keep centered, I believe the more time I spend on this particular week, the better the data I’ll gather. In the end, quality over quantity may be the best path forward and prevent further need for future trips.

Entry #1856-Summation November 27th 2355

I’d hoped the 30th trip would bring more clarity but I’m much further than I intended to be. Even as I type, I struggle to look past the 2 dozen other arms that ethereally follow my own. This much is clear, my quality over quantity theory holds no water. I’ll keep it brief before I finally break free of this week I’ve been living in.

My machine clearly works through sending my consciousness back. There is no other explanation. The mirrored movements, the confusion. All an artifact of how the machine operates.

The trip counter has become much more than a quality of life change. It no longer matches the notes I’ve taken. More than that, I’ve found it detached from my wrist multiple times. According to my notes, I’ve taken 38 day trips. The counter reads at 54. Given the number of times I’ve changed the security code and how isolated I’ve been, I can only conclude that a number of my pre-selves took trips without leaving notice.

Strange as it is, I know no motive for this behavior. I’ll give myself more temporal distance and try to redistribute my testing through multiple weeks.

Ennnnnttryyy ###1234567

DO. NOT. USE. MAAACHINE. DO. NOOOOOTTTT.

Entry #1954 April 1st 2356

Machines aren’t capricious. People are. It’s clear from these erratic journal entries, how the trip counter has outstripped the ones I’ve recorded, and my continued cognitive decline that these trips have become detrimental to my mental state.

Day to day our minds learn to ignore repetitive stimuli, such as the nose in front of our face. I believe my trips have outpaced my mind’s capacity to ignore irrelevant information.

No, it’s worse. Because I’ve mixed new information with old environmental stimuli, it’s become impossible for my mind to ignore even the most mundane details. Even bodily sensations occupy the same brain space a long night of study would.

I can feel my consciousness scattered through the last 20 years. I’m certain the machine’s movements have been my pre-selves attempts at self preservation. Fractures of my mind warning my ultimate post-self that this road is not one of discovery. But of perdition.

But I’ve come too far. My hope is that as my consciousness fractures, it preserves the core of my faculties. So far, I’ve kept the intellect I need to continue experimentation. For the greater good, I must continue.

PLEASE. NO. MORE.

NO.

MORE.

Entry #2188 December 5th 2366

Ten years. Ten years and this technology has only proven itself rife with flaws. 30 years with my mind spread across unknown timelines. Entire pages of my journal occupied by the ravings of a fractured intellect. I have no reliable way to determine where I am in a trip. As I write, I could be days away from a hallucination free period. Or hours. For all I know I could be a fragment lamenting what my pre-self has put me through.

I need to break through whatever current cycle I’m in. I’ll have a better grasp on next steps once my mental fragments converge into a singular post-self. I can only hope this idea propagates itself through the rest of my ruptured psyche.

Entry #2259 May 12th 2372

There is a rogue element among my broken parts. My driven side must have split off over the past decade to keep the rest of us in this hellish experiment for ‘the greater good’. Trip after trip after trip. Who knows how many times I’ve seen this sun set. Heard these birds sing. Ghostly impressions follow me wherever I go, so much so that basic vision has become a challenge.

The trip counter has looped on itself who knows how many times. Appendices with the notes of several madmen are scattered throughout the apartment. I’ve long lost the ability to recall pre and post memories for comparison.

I need a way out. We all do. I hope that the piece of me that keeps us all looped in comprises only a small part of my mind.

Entry #

I have lost all sense of time. The world around me seems to have stood still for years now. I can hardly type. Phantom limbs block all but the center of my vision.

Whatever part of me keeps us tied to the machine has remained stubborn. I remember feeling the same once.

Fortunately the trips seem to be isolated as day trips. I believe this represents my only way out. I’ve tuned the machine as far back as it will go. Far longer back than any trip I’ve ever taken. Back when my mind was whole. I fear what will happen to my primordial pre-self should all of my post-selves arrive in a mind incapable of handling this amount of information. But at this point I have no choice.

The dial is set. The longest macro trip I designed for was 20 years. Horribly insufficient. However, with enough tweaks I’m able to go farther. How much father, I have no idea.

My only hope is that this final trip tips my unsuspecting brain towards amnesia and not insanity.